I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
