Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
