If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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