I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I lost the right to judge tonight
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
