Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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