I showed him my bush... on skype.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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