You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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