I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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