You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
