You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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