I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He felt like a one man threesome
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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