I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
