Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
