what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm always down for nudity.
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