i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
