There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
