I'm lost and stupid without you.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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