now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
