so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
