Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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