so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
