hotel room ftw
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
