I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
