Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
