Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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