am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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