ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
