please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
now i know why i became what i already was.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
