This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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