i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Small penises have feelings too.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
