Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize