I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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