I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I need water and some morals
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
