I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
