I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
