I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she smelled like a LAN party
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
