Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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