I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
