I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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