So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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