My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
