Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
