This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
