Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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