So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I woke up under a house in Key West
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