R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Yo dont text me then not text me
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
