Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
