People with herpes should wear stickers.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
