Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
