five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
