When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
