I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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