somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
