so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
