The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
