Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
