I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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