this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
