If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize