i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
