I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
