just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
