Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
