Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
