hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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