I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
