Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize