apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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