Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
