I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
