Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
