I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize