I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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