I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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