So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
