what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize