what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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